I'm not the parent I was once was.

I had 2 girls in my mid 20s. I was tee total, we had a routine, their dad turned out to be evil and I was commonly referred to as "that Mary Poppins mum". I fought long and hard to have the chance to get my tubes tied; my family was complete, I was approaching 40, my partner didn't want to bring children into the world but his comments had shifted over the years so it was unreasonable to expect him to have a vasectomy. I was accepted for having my tubes tied, a week before the pre-op consult I decided to pee on a stick so I would have no shadow of a doubt - the pee stick said pregnant. I was booked in for an emergency scan. 12 wks gone so an intervention would mean tearing baby limb from limb, which he would feel. Now he's nearly a year old and neither dad nor myself have any regret but I am not the parent I was. This is partly due to having 2 almost fully grown girls in the home and because we were in a house but, due to past homelessness are now in a 2 bed micro flat where baby and I sleep in the lounge / kitchen. We have no storage to boot. We are trying to get rehoused but homeswapper is having technical issues and homeseeker isn't working quickly enough. My girls had a routine, a library, a garden and plenty of space, i was. Adrwssmaker on the verge of starting a business. Because of the limitations of our living space my son is missing out on all of these things and the guilt I feel is immeasurable. I love him the same as I love my girls but because circumstances are shit, compared to the way they were when the girls were little, the guilt I feel is immeasurable.

I'm not the parent I was once was.

I had 2 girls in my mid 20s. I was tee total, we had a routine, their dad turned out to be evil and I was commonly referred to as "that Mary Poppins mum". I fought long and hard to have the chance to get my tubes tied; my family was complete, I was approaching 40, my partner didn't want to bring children into the world but his comments had shifted over the years so it was unreasonable to expect him to have a vasectomy. I was accepted for having my tubes tied, a week before the pre-op consult I decided to pee on a stick so I would have no shadow of a doubt - the pee stick said pregnant. I was booked in for an emergency scan. 12 wks gone so an intervention would mean tearing baby limb from limb, which he would feel. Now he's nearly a year old and neither dad nor myself have any regret but I am not the parent I was. This is partly due to having 2 almost fully grown girls in the home and because we were in a house but, due to past homelessness are now in a 2 bed micro flat where baby and I sleep in the lounge / kitchen. We have no storage to boot. We are trying to get rehoused but homeswapper is having technical issues and homeseeker isn't working quickly enough. My girls had a routine, a library, a garden and plenty of space, i was. Adrwssmaker on the verge of starting a business. Because of the limitations of our living space my son is missing out on all of these things and the guilt I feel is immeasurable. I love him the same as I love my girls but because circumstances are shit, compared to the way they were when the girls were little, the guilt I feel is immeasurable.